Maitri: The Sacred Work of Self-Acceptance
Zion National Park
“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
~ Buddha
This morning I took my cute pup for a walk in one of my favorite places on earth, among exquisite Utah views of mountains layered in red, pink, white and gold. Two of my “babies” slept peacefully in a hotel room and my coffee, which I now only drink on special occasions, tasted like heaven. I reflected on a weekend surrounded by some of my favorite people, with the love of my life by my side. I met up with a woman who wanted to pet my dog and in our short 5 minute interaction we spoke of the enormity of life's best work and she shared how she's working to make the world a better place.
Later, I snapped this photo as I prepared for a community call - filled with excitement and hope and gratitude that I was about to “work” on my vacation.
Not every moment is quite this sweet but the reality of my current life is that most of them are. Putting aside the bullshit of showing our best sides on social media, I can truthfully confess that I live more in a space of gratitude and joy than a space of hardship - and it’s not because I have more money than in past versions of myself or because I’m faced with less conflict. The money comes and goes (and mostly goes) and parenting is hard and relationships struggle and I don’t always see the best version of myself in the mirror. My body is far from perfect and my house still gets overwhelmingly messy. I get lost and I search for myself often.
So why is life so much sweeter now than ever before? The answer is so simple that I can’t believe it took me this long to discover it.
I have accepted that my happiness is in my own hands. I have prioritized my own self-care on a spiritual, emotional and physical level. I have learned that nourishment is the key to comfort of body, mind and spirit. I have acknowledged that the exterior work will never end but that it’s so much simpler after I’ve done the interior work.. I chose to invest in myself first and foremost. And as a result, everything in my life has become richer, deeper, more intimate, and more worthwhile.
I guess simply put, I’ve learned to practice Maitri.
“Maitri is the art of developing an unconditional friendliness toward every part of our sweet selves - the tired, the mending, the broken, the wonderful, the always-changing.”1
My personal healing journey began out of absolute necessity as I watched my physical health, my most precious relationships, and my inner peace and joy crumble around me. For a while I put my energy towards begging people around me to change. The intensity of this process is difficult to describe but it was highly emotional and exhausting to expect so much of people for so long. Seeing everyone around me through eyes of criticism was hot and uncomfortable. That level of disappointment literally made me question the goodness of humanity as a whole. Plus, even when a loved one made an attempt to “improve” in the ways I demanded, I found that my inner-struggle continued. Eventually I realized that although I was deeply loved by these humans who were willing to approach their lives differently to appease me, I clearly remember the precise moment I finally knew that *I* was the problem I was facing….over and over and over again.
And now, a million little moments of the same realization later, I am deep into the journey of enjoyable self-discovery and constant curiosity about myself. Interestingly enough, the most profound lesson I’ve learned is that I will keep battling myself every step of the way and that perfection is unachievable. I suppose that's because each step towards self-discovery brings another layer or self-curiosity and this experiment with myself is more like peeling an onion than a straight shot from point A to B. And when I let go of the outcome, it is actually kind of fun. Most importantly and most satisfying is that people are far more good than they are bad. I love loving people again!
I’m not here simply to stand on a pedestal professing my accomplishments but to let you know that if you’ve found yourself here, or anywhere near here, this is your reminder to indulge in self-care. This is your call to invest in yourself. This is your permission to be selfish so that you have more of yourself for the ones you love. This is your message that once you really and intimately love yourself, the love of others is so much sweeter but somehow you stop relying on it and, instead, start appreciating it.
Aside from the art of self-discovery and growth, my life’s work is sharing the gift of maitri with others. So whether it’s Om Matiri and the magical medicine of Ayurveda or following your heart in another direction, under the direction of a mentor who has what you want - this is your sign to sign up, show up, and invest in YOU. YOU are the most important work you will do and your self-investment will have a more profound impact on this earth than anything else you could possibly do. For when we shed the protective layers, become vulnerable, and dive into the sacred work of loving ourselves, we heal the collective of which we are eternally connected.
The Elephant Journal, The Most Important Article on Elephant Ever; Maitri. Lewis, Waylon. 17 April 2012.
This article is for informational purposes and is not intended to replace medical advice.
