Lessons I learned in 2022
As I step into a new calendar year I am cautious about the strength of my ambitions. My current understanding of what it truly means to achieve balance (mind, body and soul) is rooted in the concept of aligning with nature. Therefore, I know that January 1 is sort of always going to be a difficult day to achieve all my hopes and dreams. Not only does it take time (and baby steps) to implement new routines, to think more healthy and self-serving thoughts, or to achieve my goals, I also realize that winter just isn’t all that supportive of becoming a brand new me! And so, when I can align with what nature is providing, I am not only less disappointed in my achievements (or lack thereof), but more able to really utilize the burrowing in time for contemplation, gratitude, groundedness and preparation. The process of death is really excruciating when it’s forceful, unexpected or out of alignment. However, when it’s time, it feels like time. And that can be peaceful.
Don’t get me wrong- losing something important to me, even when it is time, is painful. But releasing something with a clear understanding of its purpose, with gratitude for its place in my life, and with an intention to fill that space with something good is also pretty powerful. Letting go of beliefs about myself that are harmful, for example, can be done with intention while I mindfully restructure beliefs about myself. Both those thoughts - the harmful and the ambitious, don’t fill space well together. I have to let one go in order to create space for the other. And that is what this season can be all about. Vata reminds us that all spaces are filled. If not by earthy or watery or fiery substances, then by spaciousness. And unintentional spaciousness can get some of us into trouble. It can turn into poor habits, fearful or anxiety-inducing thoughts, or mindlessness (insert social media scroll, anyone?)!
After 5 years of processing, this year I accepted the devastating loss of a friendship that I imagined would last forever. The spaciousness of that loss was a dark, lonely, angry, scared and disappointed place. It changed me profoundly. Now that I’ve done the necessary mourning, I’m coming back to friendship with a newfound love and appreciation for women. And I see myself through different and kinder eyes, honestly. That friendship now lives in the place in my heart where loss has occurred. I’ve learned to contain that spaciousness but it won’t ever be filled and it will always serve as an important reminder. There is other loss in similar places of my heart and though they were once filled with beautiful, bright people and things, it is sad there and I don’t have to stay long.
All that said, this process of letting go or contemplation can bring up some really lovely things, too. I’ve particularly enjoyed the clarity around some truths that became abundantly clear to me recently. Let’s be clear, this post is titled “Things I learned in 2022” but most of these truths have taken me a lifetime to see and I don’t doubt they’ll be circling back because most of them are hard truths. Even so, it was a fun list to create .
The older kids get, the harder it is to be their parent. And the more incredible. Their becoming is a beautiful gift. Plus, I don’t have any gray hair (yet) so I guess we are doing alright.
Creating and achieving dreams doesn’t always feel dreamy. It’s just damn hard work about 90% of the time.
Good relationships mean hard work. They don’t always feel good but they are always worth the fight. But fights aren’t worth much. Just keep showing up.
Conflict is not about winning a fight. It is about understanding another perspective and accepting that everyone and everything has light and truth and when I stay humble, I get to partake of the light and truth of others.
It’s okay to have boundaries. It’s okay if my feelings get hurt. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to change my mind.
My kids will have periods where they resent me- maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe later. And assuredly again and again. Not because I’m trying to make them resent me but because I am human and I don’t know how to do this perfectly. So instead of avoiding resentment, its best to focus on making sure they always know I love them, I always do my best, and I’m willing to learn alongside them.
Goals broken down in to steps are achievable. Visualizing outcomes inspires curiosity, determination and excitement.
Rituals have deep meaning; for me the ritual that changed everything this year was marriage. An intentional act of love nurtures deeper love.
My family is not disappointed when I self-care, when I take time for me, or when I tell them what I need. They know me on a deeper lever, understand me better, and respect me more. There’s even a good chance that my honesty about my needs will help them have better relationships with other women in their lives.
When I rely on others to create my happiness, I am usually disappointed. When I am happy with and in love with myself, I can trust that the people I surround myself with will not disappoint me. And even if they do, their action is absolutely never about me. My disappointment is, though, and it’s time to dig deep to see why.
My dharma is very clear to me. Every opportunity, every challenge, every relationship, every dream is a platform to practice my dharma.
The world will never run out of good music, good art, or good people.
Start with a vision, but go with the flow, because there is a Divine power working on my behalf and when I trust it, I always end up in a better place.
Love with my whole heart. Not everyone’s sticking around and heart break is real - but do it anyway. Love is always a gift, even when it’s lost.
I deserve to be absolutely full of joy, I am lovable, my body is beautiful & my heart is really good.
